God's gift to men - pee standing up!

 One day in the Garden of Eden, God comes to Adam and Eve and tells them he has two gifts — one for each of them. The first, he says, is the ability to pee standing up. Adam starts jumping up and down excitedly and loudly declares that he wants it. Eve, listening to him jabbering on and on about it, rolls her eyes and asks God what he has left for her. "Brains," he replies.


Republican puppies for sale!

 A fellow is selling puppies at a flea market. His sign says, "Republican Puppies, $50." A week later, the same man is selling the same puppies at the same flea market, but the sign says "Democratic Puppies, $50." A possible customer asks, "What's up? Last week they were Republican puppies and this week they are Democratic puppies?" The seller replies, "This week their eyes are open." 


the lottery winner

 The car comes screeching into the driveway and the woman gets out and runs into the house shouting to her husband, "I just won the lottery. Start packing!" Her husband says, "Great news! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" She says, "It doesn't matter. Just get out!"